Elevating "Don't Panic" to an art form

Five Words

2009-07-10T19:23:42Z

The latest meme; glamoursnipe hit me with five words she associates with me, and below the cuts are what I think about them etc. If you want words, comment with WORDS - if you otherwise want to comment, fire away. And because I can, each one is illustrated with an icon!

Cut because it got long...

Gratuitous Sex & Violence - Ah, the lizard brain. I'm a geek who spends the vast majority of each day in front of a computer. As such I live inside my own head a lot, and prefer escapist fantasy to take me out of it. One of the joys of gratuitous sex and violence is that there's essentially no way to introduce it without turning your project into an escapist fantasy. Because that's more or less the definition of "gratuitous" - not essential to the story.

With that said, freeing oneself from the constraints of social correctness by introducing these gratuitous elements sometimes frees the creator up to make other interesting commentaries as well, and the best of these trashy tales gain from it. Russ Meyer is a prime example. Take Supervixens, in which every woman that appears on the screen seems instantly infatuated with the milquetoast everyman protagonist for no very good reason. This puts the women in the role of sexual conquistador - they're not being predatory ala most MILF porn, they're just being up front and direct about their desire to sleep with him, damn the consequences - and our red blooded all American man in the position of having to fend off these unwelcome advances. That sort of role reversal NEVER happens in mainstream Hollywood - well not never, per se, but when it does it's in drek like Disclosure, which basically just took a standard male boss harassing female underling scenario and flipped the genders without addressing the gender ROLES, which is disingenuous at best. And I don't care what anyone says - Faster Pussycat was the original Thelma & Louise.

Southern California - It was, I should state up front, never my intention to land here. I grew up in the San Francisco Bay area, spent a semester in Manhattan, and largely came of age in Portland, OR, during which time I met annamaryse. We together headed back to San Francisco when I got an offer for what has thus far turned out to be the best job of my checkered career, but the implosion of the dotcom industry, however inevitable it was even at the time and definitely in hindsight, made living there spectacularly unreasonable for anyone with a gross household income of less than six figures. As Anna was culturally a native to these parts, at her suggestion we relocated here.

As is true for many NorCal natives, my suspicion of life here was based on inaccurate assumptions that border on stereotypes. NorCal mostly thinks of LA as exclusively South Central (desperate slums where violence on the level of Kosovo is a daily fact of life) and the San Fernando Valley (acres and acres of McMansions broken only by the occasional glorified strip mall) - with Hollywood and Beverly Hills thrown in mostly for show, inaccessible to us "real" people. What I discovered after an exploratory mission was that life here is more akin to a Photoshop-expanded version of the Big Apple - different and distinct regions and neighborhoods on a grand scale. The business of show is without question the harsh mistress who controls the flow of life here, but it is surprisingly easy to adapt to this; "You can't deny the living is easy/If you never look behind the scenery," sings Bad Religion, and this is true both for worse AND for better.

I'm not honestly sure whether or not I've come to consider this "home" yet, but it's definitely been a place of success for me in a way that San Francisco, as an adult, never was.

Photography - I cannot draw.

This has been a source of intense frustration for me pretty much as far back as I can remember, not helped by the fact that my mother is actually a brilliant sketch artist. I have always lacked the particular combination of motor skill and patience necessary to do anything beyond an XKCD strip. This wouldn't be a problem if I had trended toward something like coding or plumbing or mechanics, but I've always been artistic - just without the skills of an artist to back it up. Photography, then, began to appeal to me because the limitations I suffer as an artist apply only to the preparatory stage; a sketch of the desired final output helps (unless you're insanely talented like visioluxus) but ultimately the only thing between the lens and the final piece is the world. I've an ear for music but cannot play; I've an eye for line, form, and color but cannot draw. No cure for the former yet exists, but photography is a neat end-run around the latter.

This is by no means to denigrate the photographer's art; there is a very particular skill set that goes into creating stunning photographs, which I've at best managed to stumble into from time to time, though I'd at least like to believe that after years of practice I'm getting a little more consistent with the stumbling. That said, while the concept of art without drawing is what first drew me to photography, what crystallized it for me was digital technology. The first composition (warning: nipples) of which I was ever really proud involved half a dozen pieces of software to come together. It's primitive, but I still look at it fondly from time to time.

For me photography is a combination of capturing a moment and making the impossible seem everyday. It's therefore likely unsurprising the the major influence I name is J.K. Potter, with at one time a touch of H.R. Giger thrown in for good measure, but these days he's more someone whose work I admire than an influence per se.

Star Wars - To some extent, fandom in at least one of two franchises is pretty much a given for the geeks of my generation. Obviously there are never only two kinds of people, but putting reality aside for a moment, there are two kinds of geeks in the world: Jedi and Trekkies. Trekkies are inherently optimistic of the human condition, believe that centralized order can civilize and improve the world, and value science and honor. Jedi are inherently suspicious of authority (perhaps ironic given the monolithic structure of the Jedi Order in the new movies, but that's an essay for another time), treat technology as a means rather than an end, and value loyalty and justice. Some could argue that the Trekkie view of the world is more mature; others that the Jedi view of the world is more realistic.

I don't wish to involve myself deeply in this debate. But when I was taken at the tender age of 3 to A New Hope (simply called Star Wars back then) it imprinted on me in a way that Star Trek simply did not, despite the daily ritual of watching reruns with my dad when he got home from work. It formed a common ground over which I bonded with the football players; it germinated the inklings of what would later become my particular brand of spirituality; it has better one-liners than even TOS.

Also it spawned a kick-ass boardgame to which I owe a not insignificant portion of my online social circle.

Video Games - This one, in many ways, was predestined. I grew up in Silicon Valley in the 80s, and the first job of my dad's of which I was really aware was...wait for it...with ATARI, the company that literally invented the domestic video games industry and in the heady days of the late 70s was going to take over the world ala Microsoft. Mine was a childhood filled with prototype cartridges and religious battles over whether Atari or Activision (employer of my best frenemy's forebearer) offered superior titles. My first major investment was a Sega Genesis; my first paid writing gig was as a freelance reviewer with GamePro Magazine; my first attempt to build a business was a website dedicated to Macintosh gaming. In an odd sort of way, my ability to walk into a store and walk out with a Sony Playstation was one of the first moments I actually felt like an adult. Indeed, the possibility of becoming a QA engineer for video game publisher THQ was part of the siren call that lured me down here.

The medium has always attracted me, and I even spent the obligatory geek summer hacking together a swords n sorcery dungeon crawl replete with classes, armor, weapons, and dragons. I've probably dropped the GDP of a developing nation into coin-ops in my day, and I relieve past glories and dooms alike via emulation. It's been utterly fascinating to me to watch the evolution of the medium, from the catch-as-catch-can early games to the establishment of distinct genres to the innovation of graphics to the almost accidental advent of story telling to the bizarre landscape we find today. If I had it to do over again, I'd probably find some way to make studying video games academically a career - it wasn't quite viable at the point when I was coming up in college.

The irony of course is that I'm not especially GOOD at video games; as I've mentioned, you can count without running out of toes the number of games I've actually, honestly beaten in all that time. But hey, what fun is life without an unattainable goal or two?

Lies, Damn Lies, and USA Today

2009-07-09T16:35:30Z

USA Today is reporting that Obama is paying off those who voted for him by giving those counties more per capita stimulus money.

Before anyone froths at the mouth any more, I have 2 other pieces of data for you. First, a map of electoral support per county in 2008; next, a census bureau map showing estimated population density by county.

Even without doing exhaustive quantitative analysis, it's pretty easy to see similar trends between the two. I would therefore submit that more densely populated areas are receiving more per capita, which makes logical sense as well.

Banks to Cali: Choke On It

2009-07-07T16:45:14Z

Major American banks refuse to take Cali IOUs.

Note to the nation: better or worse, California is too big to fail. If you keep overtaxing us for services while refusing to help us in our time of need, the whole nation is being doomed.

Everyone Has A Price

2009-06-25T15:58:57Z

North Carolina is paying girls to not be pregnant.

North Carolina, it's worth noting, has the 12th lowest per capita federal tax burden in the nation (page 10 of the linked pdf). I guess this is how they're using all the money they're saving?

Preach It, Brothah

2009-06-15T07:26:27Z

TV Transition Day

2009-06-12T22:43:56Z

Poor Jennifer didn't get her digital antenna converter.

Don't be like Jennifer.

Free Video

2009-06-12T17:31:03Z

For them of you what uses iTunes, there is some free comedy to be had this week only:

The IT Crowd - first episode
The State (aka the only truly funny thing MTV ever produced) - first episode
Arrested Development - pilot (just for you popeguilty!)

donkey kong: parrable for gnosticism?

2009-06-10T04:54:37Z

And you thought the candyland essay was over the top...

Shane On You, Al Gore

2009-06-09T22:44:47Z

You remember Current.tv? Al Gore's attempt to remake television in a citizen journalist model?

Like everything in television, it's not always what it seems. Most of Current.tv's journalists aren't so much citizens as they are employees of the network. And two of those employees are currently facing 12 years of hard labor in North Korea for a crime that hasn't even been specified outside of that country's legal system.

You'd never know it to go to the Current.tv homepage. The current top stories:

- Michael Bay as an M&M
- Colorado makes it legal for homeowners to harvest rainwater
- Top 10 ways to get a geek pissed off

Shame on you, Al Gore. You are a fucking former vice president of one of the most powerful nations in the world. You are the international darling of global warning rhetoric. Your reputation as an international diplomat precedes you wherever you go.

And your people need you. And you do nothing.

Shame on you, Al gore.

Hrm....

2009-06-09T01:22:29Z

Yahoo's CEO talks up how Yahoo is better than Google on a major (unfortunately) news network on the same day that a major Google mentor is found dead in his swimming pool.

Interesting timing the world has, sometimes.

a moment of intense fanboy geekiness

2009-06-05T19:31:47Z

Hideo Kojima is doing the next Castlevania game!!! :D

(either this makes sense to you or it's inexplicable, unfortunately.)

And the hits just keep on coming

2009-05-26T21:05:05Z

Let me preface this by saying I voted No on Prop 8. I am saddened at the vote, and firmly believe this should never have GONE to a vote as a constitutional amendment in the first place. But with all that said, the court's decision really shouldn't have been a surprise to anyone, and I'm honestly at a loss as to why the good guys chose the particular tactic that they did.

The people who put Prop 8 on the ballot played by the rules. They did everything they were required to do, they campaigned like crazy, and they made sure every i was dotted and every t was crossed. They knew that a simple law would be found unconstitutional, so they rewrote the constitution.

It's an odious, destructive amendment and it should never have been drafted - but everything they did, they did procedurally correctly. For the court to repudiate that would have ramifications far, far beyond this specific case, and don't suppose for a second that they didn't know that. It takes a bold judge to make that kind of change under the best of conditions; in a controversial case, forget it.

Here's the steps to take, in this order, if'n you want to undo it - and frankly this process should have been started back in November instead of derailing on something that was at best very unlikely to succeed:

1) Pass a constitutional amendment undoing the amendment mandated by prop 8.
2) Pass a law defining what basic human rights can be taken away with a simple write-in/majority vote and which ones require a 2/3 legislative vote to make it to ballot.
3) Pass a law legalizing gay marriage. (save the triads for step 4, please - homophobes can only change so much at a time)

ETA: No link to a news story on this issue because every single story I've read today gets a very fundamental fact wrong. NYT and AP say that prop 8 is a "law" banning gay marraige; San Jose Mercury says it "upholds the ban" that was previously passed. Neither of these are true. Prop 8 amended the constitution to include a definition of marriage where none heretofore existed. That amendment creates a legal condition defining marriage, but if it was just a LAW it'd be a fucklot easier to get rid of, because said law would be unconstitutional on the face of it. Only by changing the constitution could they change the law - and that's exactly what they did.

One Point To Clarify

2009-05-25T17:06:47Z

Over the past few days I've really been harping on the disparity between what California pays in federal taxes versus what we receive in federal spending. On the face of it I don't really have a problem with this; California has (or rather had) a stronger economy than most other states, and it only makes sense that those with help out those without. The issue I have is with all the people taking that money and then telling California to go fuck itself when it suddenly needs help.

FUCK - He's Talking Economic Policy Again

2009-05-25T16:43:27Z

I'm getting increasingly frustrated with everyone insisting that California has made its own bed and must sleep in it. For more than the past decade we've been essentially supporting much of the nation's federal programs, which to some extent makes sense given that we have 1/8 of the nation's population and have had that much or close to it since I've been in elementary school. The problem is that with that much of the country living here, ignoring the problem of our budget also means repudiating 12.5% of the entire freaking country. I can think of no single more elitist position to take than that one.

That said, let's take a look at where so much of this out of control spending is going.

Health Care
The single biggest line-item on the state budget is a motley collection of health care packages designed to serve those in the state that lack health insurance. To some extent this makes sense; the two biggest generalized economic sectors in California are technology and entertainment, both of which are industries with much higher than normal percentages of contractors, temps, and other non-full-time employees. In many ways, however, all this does is illustrate how intimately California's financial woes are tied to the nation's. Until real health care reform is offered in this country it's unlikely this area can be effectively addressed. With that said, a more sensible way of dealing with illegal immigrants would likely ease the strain on some of these programs - which makes that debate about fiscal policy rather than ideology.

Prisons
California is currently spending more than $10 billion a year on prisons. Three words to this: war on drugs. Our national experiment with drug prohibition has failed. It's time to end the ridiculous policies that have led to American having the highest total and per-capita prison populations in the industrialized world. The governor is on board with this, as the latest budget deals specifically with non-violent drug offenders and getting them out of prison. Imagine how much lower this line item would be if this stupid, ineffective "war" would end - to say nothing of all the money currently disappearing down the black hole of the black market that would instead be diverted into the economy proper.

Finally, let's address one myth that the right loves to promulgate - that California's insanely high taxes are working as an active detriment to encouraging businesses to locate here. While there may be some anecdotal evidence to supply enough credence to this line to make good rhetoric for Fox Noise, the data isn't there - from 1992 to 2004, the most recent period for which data exists, the net impact on business migration out of the state was about 1/10 of one percent. In fact, compared to other states in our region, California is doing the best in terms of keeping jobs. To call California hostile to business development seems laughable in the face of actual facts, though to be fair it would be a lot more so if we could get this fucking budget under control.

Which brings me back to the rest of the nation calling to let us drown. One out of every eight Americans lives in California. California pays the highest total percentage of Federal revenues and gets less back in federal spending per dollar paid than any other state. There is no recovery of this economy without a recovery of California, and I am fucking well tired of paying for the rest of the country without so much as a "thank you," let alone help when it's needed.

The governor of Texas has called for that state to secede because, omfg, non-white running the country. I am beginning to think it's time for California to talk secession as well - I'd gladly pay the same percentage of Federal income tax I'm paying now if I knew that every dollar I was paying would actually go to benefit me. Hell, I'd even pay higher if it meant state income tax would go away. And unlike Texas, we've actually got the economic base to support such a move - or rather we would if we weren't footing the bill for an ungrateful nation all too eager to cut us off anyway.

On bailing out california

2009-05-22T15:41:56Z

I'm no fan of federal bailouts, nor of the California legislature's lack of spending control.

That said - to the 7/8 of the nation calling rabidly to allow California to suffocate in its own excrement without help, I have a message for 10 of our 51 states and districts. As of 2004, the following received anywhere from $1.53 to $6.17 in federal spending for each dollar of federal income tax they pay:

1. D.C. ($6.17)
2. North Dakota ($2.03)
3. New Mexico ($1.89)
4. Mississippi ($1.84)
5. Alaska ($1.82)
6. West Virginia ($1.74)
7. Montana ($1.64)
8. Alabama ($1.61)
9. South Dakota ($1.59)
10. Arkansas ($1.53)

Meanwhile, California is tied with New York for the lowest, at 81 cents. Source here - and I can only imagine it's gotten worse for CA since then.

I'm not saying this justifies any sort of bailout package. Just remember who's supporting your lifestyle before you call for our collective heads. And think about where we'll go if things get so bad here that we have to leave. There's a fucking lot of us, after all...

The Bottom Line

2009-05-20T17:23:11Z

I'm not a libertarian.

Well, let me qualify that: I'm a libertarian on social issues. On economic I tend more communist.

With that said, by any measure California has the highest sales tax rate in the nation*. And despite that, we have a $25 billion budget deficit.

The "budget reform" measures yesterday failed, resoundingly; a county by county breakdown shows the votes were unanimous for 1A, 1C, 1D, 1E, and 1F, and nearly so for 1B. (Worth noting - those counties that approved 1B are arguably those worst hit by the infamous Prop 13). This sounds irresponsible (despite the fact that passing the whole package would STILL have left us with a $12.6 billion dollar deficit) but calling it irresponsible ignores one simple fact: none of the bills actually fix the problem.

The problem isn't that it's difficult for the legislature to raise taxes. The problem is that spending is out of control. Consider that we're the most populous state in the nation (nearly 37 mil according to the Census Bureau, meaning nearly 1 in every 8 Americans live in this state) with population growth that outpaces the growth of the nation as a whole (sourced in the last link) and have the aforementioned highest sales tax in the nation (made higher a few weeks ago) and a state income tax rate that is among the highest in the nation (someone who makes more than $37k is paying at least 8%, compared to 5% in most other states) - and yet, even with that incredible tax base, California is not able to balance a freaking budget.

Increasing the duration of emergency sales taxes, funneling money from dedicated funds into the general fund, borrowing against future lotto income (a concept so odious I don't even know where to begin) - none of these measures address that fundamental problem. They're band-aids at best, and they aren't even band-aids, in this case, that cover the whole wound.

I won't claim to know what the best solution is, though I've certainly got a few ideas, as I'm sure most Californians do. But I'm reasonably certain that increasing the cost of living in what is already one of the most expensive places to live in the world - without a corresponding increase in the quality of services those taxes are buying - ain't it.

*With, to be fair, the exception of one or two specific counties in Tennessee.

New Phone!

2009-05-20T04:12:41Z

I have a new phone.

It can take pictures.

They are crappy pictures, out of focus, under exposed, and only 640x480. But they make fun text message spams.

So you might some picture message spams from me in the short term future. If I have your number.

Rest assured, it's only a phase.

Interesting

2009-05-19T18:40:35Z

One of the longest articles in Wookiepedia, the more-or-less-definitive Star Wars wiki, is about torture in the Star Wars universe. Of which there is evidently quite a lot.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

2009-05-07T23:22:41Z

Disney parks no longer scanning souvenier ride photos for flashers.

I leave the logical conclusion to this development as an exercise to the reader.

The Medicine Show

2009-05-06T05:39:51Z

A Mythical Tale Of Frontier Life Told In Words & Pictures

They who suffer tribulation and pain need suffer never more again!

Dr. Chak Votan's patented elixir combines a variety of robust, natural ingredients to provide a wonderful remedy. It cures most ills, including (but not limited to): Aches, Coughs, Constipation, Incontinence, Neurosis, Nervousness, Stammers, Eruptions, Night Terrors, Cannibalism, Somnambulism, and Complacency.

Accept no substitute. It's the Primordial Libation that effects proper cures where other remedies and treatments fail!

Interview with the author/illustrator about the process of creating a myth, Reality Hackers, working on Dragon Magazine & Magic The Gathering and the I Ching (Alterati.com).

Pick up the early release edition.

Feliz Cinco de Mayo!

2009-05-05T22:43:34Z

Major American Holidays: A Review

2009-05-05T15:40:05Z

New Year's Eve: Drink. Kiss at midnight. Keep drinking.
Valentine's Day: Drink while on a date or because you can't GET a date.
Mardi Gras: Drink, for tomorrow we die.
St. Patrick's Day: Drink me, I'm Irish!
Easter: Sacramental wine, yo.
Cinco De Mayo: Drink me, I'm Mexican!
Memorial Day: Remember your lost loved ones as you drink.
Fourth of July: Get drunk, blow shit up.
Labor Day: Drink! We're not at work!
Halloween: Too old to trick or treat? Put on your slut gear and drink!
Thanksgiving: The turkey is basted in beer, right?
Christmas: MUST DRINK TO DEAL WITH RELATIVES

Slow Day At Work

2009-04-30T21:47:18Z

Email forward received today:

REMEMBER July 8, 2009
At five minutes and six seconds after 4 AM on the 8th of July , 2009, the time and date will be 04:05:06 07/08/09.

This will never happen again.

My reply:

"Never happen again" is sort of misleading.

First of all, this is relative to your time zone, so it'll happen 8 times in the US alone (4 continental time zones, +3 time zones for the Alaska keys, +1 time zone for Hawaii). More than that if you count US consulates in countries located outside of the time zones occupied by US territories.

Then, consider that much of the rest of the world does the date as day/month/year instead of the month/day/year that is the standard in the US. Any such part of the world utilizing this method will have this happen once per corresponding time zone on August 7th, 2009.

Further, if one doesn't use a 24 hour clock (as much of the US does not) it'll happen again at 4:05:06 pm as well as am. Which means you can double the number of instances this is happening in the US.

Finally, while this particular combination of numbers may never happen again, note that at six minutes and 7 seconds after 5am next August 9th, it's true again for 05:06:07 08/9/10 - and all of the ABOVE applies as well, modified by the respective date as above. 06:07:08 9/10/11 and 07:08:09 10/11/12 work as well.

AND! Should the species be lucky enough to survive another millennium? THIS WILL ALL HAPPEN AGAIN A THOUSAND YEARS FROM NOW!

A Brief Reminder

2009-04-28T20:23:04Z

The worst flu pandemic to date in history was the Spanish Flu outbreak of 1918. During that pandemic, 7 out of 10 people did not become infected.

For every 100 that became infected, 97 survived.

More here.

NOTE: This is not to diminish those who have succumbed, nor is it to advocate carelessness. Forewarned is forearmed etc. Just keep it in perspective.

ETA:Of the 110 million people in Mexico, 1,600 cases have been reported, with about 100 deaths—suggesting a mortality rate of 6 percent. This is almost certainly bad math, as the total case count almost certainly ignores thousands or tens of thousands of other cases that have taken milder courses like those in the United States. It's perfectly conceivable Mexico has actually had 10,000 or 100,000 cases—or even 1 million cases. If so, then the kill rate would be not 6 percent but 0.1 percent (given 10,000 cases) or 0.01 percent (given 100,000 cases).

(full analysis here)

An Open Letter To Everyone Who Believes in Change

2009-04-25T09:25:23Z

Dear Friends of Barak Obama,

Look, I get it. Bush sucked. As comic book guy would say: Worst. President. Ever. I concede the point and I don't even feel the need to qualify the concession. Nor did i want McCain running the show. Even a little.

But for Pasta's sake, you have really gotta stop giving your boy Barack a pass. I was disappointed, but understanding, when he reneged on the promise to close down Gitmo on day one. I was sad, but understanding, when he reneged on his promise to have all the troops home by the end of the year. I was frustrated, but understanding, when he backpedaled on his promise to reform the nation's drug policy.

But this torture thing? This is beyond understanding - this is actually illegal.

It's really this simple: we signed a UN treaty on torture. That treaty says that we can't "look forward" when we reasonably suspect that torture happened in our country. We have to bring people up on charges. Period. If they manage to maneuver their way out of it in court? Bully for them. Either they didn't do it and could prove it or they had more/better lawyers than the prosecutor. Like it or lump it, that's the way the system works. But the system has to be allowed to work.

Because, you know. That's the law. And if Barack isn't prepared to play ball with that, he's breaking the law by obstructing the investigation, a crime that regularly lands those of us not among the landed gentry in prison.

You remember the law, right? That thing that the previous administration took notice of only when it was convenient for what they wanted to accomplish, and ignored when it was not? As your team has been proclaiming from the rafters FOR THE LAST EIGHT YEARS? And not undeservedly, don't get me wrong - I think Bush was misguided at best, criminal at worst.

Which is, more or less, exactly why I'm looking to Barack Obama to do his duty to the law, uphold the oath he swore on January 20th, and bring the Bush cabal up on charges. As the law requires him to do. As the only sane international policy mandates that he do.

Look - American journalists are starting to get arrested in countries that don't like us. And I fully expect them to get tortured. And I would really, really love it to be able to say to anyone who wants to argue this point: yes, our last, criminal President ignored the international law on the subject. But the new guy? The one who didn't steal the election? HE'S STEPPING UP, BITCH.

I frankly don't give a damn WHAT policy he's pushing - the law is the law. If neither side cares about upholding the law, we might as well burn the Constitution now and be done with it.